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Sunday, August 9, 2020

How I met the Hellgrammites

If you don't know what hellgrammites are, please google them. A long time ago, when we were all young and starting on this adventure called life, I didn't even know there was such a thing as hellgrammites. We were just starting our family and we had a young, single friend who boarded with us. He was the attic dweller. He came and went as he pleased. I washed his clothes and fed him and applauded his adventures and commiserated with his heart breaks and sorrows. He was a fun "uncle" to my young sons. He was the ultimate fisherman. Yup. Forever and always. One night I was home alone with my babies. I had just gotten every one settled in bed and cleaned up the "getting every one settled in bed" mess. Time for a cup of coffee and some quiet, right? I sat down in my chair and I saw SOMETHING crawling across my kitchen floor. A really disgusting, hideous looking something. Actually, a whole parade of Somethings speedily going across my kitchen floor towards the bed room where my babies were peacefully sleeping. I jumped up and began a stomping game, Stomp. Squish. Yuk. They just keep coming, more and more of them. I begin to get desperate. They have to be coming from some where? It's ten o'clock at night. It's pitch dark out side. I turn on light all over the place. I start hauling out the furniture. The drive way is piled with table, chairs, high chair, boots, jackets. I start in the entry shed. Out goes the trash can, fishing poles, tools. There is a bag of seed potatoes there. Maybe they came from that? Out goes the seed potatoes all over the pile of furniture. The insidious parade is still marching eagerly across my kitchen, Stomp on one. Another one appears. Boone drives in the driveway, not quite believing his eyes. "Woman, have you lost your mind"? I show him. Hmm. He has never seen any thing like them, either. He catches some in a mason jar and says he will bring them to get identified thee next day. Then our boarder comes home. same thing. Annie, have you lost it? I show him the jar. There is an eerie, shocked silence. "What are you doing with my Hellgrammites?" Loud, in credulous voice. "I am murdering them." What do you mean "Your" hellgrammites? From the very top shelf in the entry, one I can't reach, he pulls a can. He looks sadly at the few creatures who haven't escaped yet. Apparently its his fishing bait for the morning. Very expensive fishing bait. I laugh when I don't know what else to do. I sat in a chair in the driveway and laughed like a crazy person. And we swept up the carnage and got all the furniture and other stuff back where it belonged. By midnight we were also settled in bed. It was along time ago, but I still remember it like it was last night. Love you, Bosco. Rest in peace.